2020: The year Motherhood, Mother Nature, and PBS Kids saved my life
I was working on this really elaborately detailed post that started with what 2020 was ‘supposed’ to be, or what I told myself, what we collectively told ourselves, 2020 could/should offer us. I decided to scrap that bit because I don’t need to tell you that. What I will tell you though is that although 2020 was absolutely nothing I could have imagined, it has been an incredibly significant and meaningful year — a year of clarity and salvation.
The short version of the story is —
“small is all”
I survived this year because:
I have fully embraced a truth — the small things are the ones that provide abundance and the biggest, most magical and most lasting impact in our lives
my son, with his love, energy, humor, and inquisitive nature saves my life daily
I have wonderful friends / family who offer up their very best love, even from a distance
I committed to being out in nature almost every day if only to remember that the sun still rises and sets each day with a daily offering for each of us to be better and live better
I am clear that home is us whether we are in an apartment, a tent, a tipi or anywhere else
people have been putting their lives on the line every day to make sure there is food in the grocery stores to feed my family, and there are packages at my door when I need them
face paint — my costume-loving, superhero and animal-loving son, reminded me that I continue to pick up new identities along the journey, but haven’t lost the artist/creative identity I carry
we turned the lights down low and let glow in the dark dance parties take shape in our home
I let my inner DJ out for a 90s Zoom dance party
weekly adventure challenges kept us inquiring about ourselves and the world around us
flowers continued to bloom and needed picking
leaves continued to change and needed crunching
rocks needed scaling and logs provided us balance when things felt off kilter
deer and turtles met us in the woods and we exchanged quiet moments
my son told me beautiful stories amongst the trees
I could spend a season watching the sun rise and set from sunflower fields
I have beautiful people across the world to laugh with, cry with, and serve as accomplices on a journey to justice
during a pandemic, when everything was scarce, I stumbled upon a kayak on Marketplace and was able to be on the water and nearer to nature in new ways
campfires spark joy
I had the chance to slow down and enjoy every day with the light of my life while he still enjoys being around me more than anyone else in the world
I am privileged to work somewhere that cares about me, cares about women, cares about mothers, cares about Black people, and trusts that I’m always showing up the best that I can
I was given a travel potty as a joke that, funnily, became core to my travel essentials: kid, keys, mask, water, wallet, sunnies, travel potty - check!
PBS kids, in all it’s glory, helped get me through work calls by teaching my son when I physically or emotionally couldn’t — shout out to the Wild Kratts and Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum
we mostly stayed in our home or outside in the trees
I protected my spirit and didn’t watch the countless videos of Black people being killed on video
masks do work and we use them
I voted and every vote counts
I mostly remembered to write down at least one thing I was grateful for each day, even if it was nothing more than ‘I am still breathing. We are still breathing’
There are many other ‘small’ things that feel like salvation, but I’ll spare you and will instead, gently nudge you to spend some quiet time reflecting on all the small things that saved your sanity when you certainly could’ve lost it this year.
A lot of ‘homeschooling’ this year has been about play, imagination and nature, but this wild little boy is writing letters and numbers and starting to like it, most days.
Face painting was mostly an Enzo thing (me painting him), but he occasionally convinced me to paint my face, too.
We spent many weekends this year camping in various forests in Maryland and Virginia. Waking up in the woods was truly a highlight of our year.
This is one of the sweetest photos from our summer adventures. We found lots of new special places this summer. It’s amazing what you’ll find if you slow down and really open your eyes. I’ve lived in DC or Maryland most of my life and I feel like I discovered a whole new place this year.
This summer, everything sold out! bikes, kayaks — all things outdoor-related. Somehow I stumbled upon a brand new kayak that a family decided they didn’t need. That find gave us access to beavers, turtles, and other creatures, and deepened Enzo’s appreciation for the water and fishing.
It’s important for me that my son know that Black people are strong, beautiful and important in this country and in this world. We take all opportunities to honor Black folks and other People of Color, even in back alleys.
Early this fall, we got new boots, and then we got stuck in quick sand. It, like the rest of our year, was an adventure.
This was one of my favorite adventures this year — a night on a farm in the blue tipi.
Waking up to this sunshine made the hard moments bearable.
We committed to going outside every day, even the rainy days. This commitment served as one more reminder not to let anything or anyone rain on our parade; not even the actual rain itself.
“2020 will be... you know, 20/20 — the year of clear vision”
It’s true — 2020 was a year to see our country and world without rose-colored glasses. This year, many of our country and world’s ugly truths and complications bubbled to the surface, and then bubbled over. Over 1M people have died from Covid-19, millions more have lived and suffered through the various illnesses borne by the virus, and others have suffered in silence as careers, homes, and connections to loved ones have been lost. Other connections have only been maintained through Zoom chats, social media, and in my case, old school letter writing and postcards.
It has taken the entire world to come to a screeching halt, in this year of “clear vision”, for people to stop and recognize that Black people in this country, and world really, have been, and continue to be harmed physically and emotionally at alarming rates. The systems that govern us are broken and are not the systems that should guide us or bind us. I hope we will work collectively to dismantle these systems, unravel our past truths and make the learnings from this year be more than just an awareness that we have work to do in so many areas, but start us on a path to the radical, audacious emergence of love, empathy, and action.
“Love is ‘the will to extend one’s self for the the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. ‘ Love is as love does. Love is an act of will–namely, both an intention and an action.”
Cheers to 2021 ushering in new energy, a collective desire for community, genuine care for humanity, and a deeply rooted commitment to LOVE.