40 x 40

The letter "x" is often used in algebra to mean a value that is not yet known.

Math hasn’t ever particularly been my sweet spot, but one thing I’m certain of is that life is certainly at least as complex and messy as the equation on the board above.

Although “x” in algebra is used to refer to an unknown value, in this instance, “x” refers to the 40 things I will do/experiences/explore “by” 40.

If I live long enough to make it to August 1, 2020 — I will turn 40 years old! That feels insane, but it’s true. Over the next 28 weeks and 5 days leading to that glorious day, I’ve committed to taking some actions that will push me to be the kind of person I want to be moving forward every day — 40 and beyond.

Although I’m clear on the big and small things I want to do to between now and then, the outcome of these actions / steps in preparation for 40+ certainly feel like “a value that is not yet known”.

My hope is that these steps / actions / adventures will:

  • Challenge me to accept all of myself, how I got here, who came along for the ride, and determine who I want to be moving forward, who is coming and who cannot;

  • Share the gift of gratitude for those who have taught me lessons along this journey;

  • Be a blessing to someone the way others have been a blessing to me and in ways that people weren’t that I wish they had been and pay it forward;

  • Lean into discomfort;

  • Get out of my own way;

  • Explore the things I haven’t yet;

  • Returned to things I once loved and have turned away from and… very importantly —

  • Just have fun!!

Although I’m just now sharing my 40 x 40 list, I’ve already started taking action towards the things I want to explore this year.

Thus far I’ve:

  • Gone fishing with Enzo

  • Gone camping with Enzo

  • Set up a new savings account

  • Donated most of Enzo’s toys to kids who don’t have any

  • Taken myself to the movies (Joker)

  • Written a letter to Enzo

  • Gone somewhere new with Enzo (Asheville, NC)

Currently in Progress:

  • Write letters to 40 people who have impacted my life significantly over the past 39+ years

  • Purge all the things we don’t need / keeping only what matters

  • Write 40 notes of kindness to people

  • Exercise at least 3 days a week

  • Carry out 40 acts of kindness for strangers

  • Pray and meditate daily

  • Be the guest on a podcast

  • Determine our church home

  • Tackle my fear of singing in public / sing in public

Still to tackle:

  • Write necessary letters of forgiveness

  • Write a short story reflective of each year of my life thus far

  • Go on 40 photo walks

  • Do service work in our community as a family

  • Tackle 40 new adventures including travel to 40 new places (cities, sites, countries)

  • Find sustainable ways to connect with people in our community that are often overlooked

  • Take a bubble bath

  • Bake a pie

  • Fast for 5 days

  • Road trip somewhere new with Enzo

  • Go one week without chai

  • Finish my will

  • Make my own stationary set

  • Learn to count to 100 in Vietnamese and learn 10 new useful phrases to teach my son

  • Write a letter to my future self

  • Go to a concert

  • Make a piece of art to hang in our house

  • Have an emergency fund and no debt except my student loan

  • Lose 20 pounds and be the most fit and most healthy I’ve been yet

  • Learn to play a song on the guitar

  • Photo storytelling session with AnneMarie Hamant

  • Go horseback riding with Enzo

  • Go salsa dancing

  • Go completely makeup free for a month

  • Get a new hairstyle

  • Get a bigger henna piece done and/or tattoo

  • Wear a bikini to the pool/beach/Target (just kidding) and feel confident doing so

  • Read 12 new books

Some of these actions / activities are small lifts because let’s be honest — I am a single working mom — I deserve a small lift here and there, BUT some of these are going to require some serious work, energy, tears, pain, and effort.

I’m ready to do the work, but still — Check on me, friends! Make sure I’m still breathing after returning to a hot yoga practice, writing the many stories of my life, and attempting to wear a bikini anywhere outside of my house! I will need prayers, good energy, encouragement and activity partners — come thru!!